It’s been a year since I gave up my day job as a nurse, and it went by so fast. The first months were a bit awkward. It felt like I was playing hooky. Little by little these feelings decreased and around the start of the new year, I genuinely began to enjoy my freedom and space.
I started running again, using the Mindful Run method, and realized how much I loved it. I ran through the local forest in the morning, admired its beauty and watched the seasons change. Ideas, insights, and inspiration started to flow and new energy emerged.
Over time, I began to feel more confident and secure. Freedom and security are essential to me, and they may be essential to you too. Improving myself, gaining new experiences and meeting new people, being solely responsible for the decisions I make. Trusting my intuition and allowing myself to make mistakes. It’s all part of the process. My confidence still grows day by day. It gives a sense of security and trust I can do it. Freedom and security, I need them both to do what I have to do in this life.
One of these things is that I returned to the country of our daughter. I initially wanted to take my family, but our daughter didn’t share my enthusiasm. All she wanted to do during her Summer vacation was to play. No simple matter in a country like Kenya, especially in a city like Nairobi. So instead, I went with 3 other (adoptive) moms. I visited the Africa Yoga Project and a great wish came true. At the Shine Center in Nairobi, I gave a workshop Back Care Basics based on Critical Alignment Yoga to yoga teachers in training. I noticed there’s a great need for anatomy and physiological knowledge and realized I have to, and want to, do something with this.
In Kenya, I reconnected with old friends, made new ones, and had the time of my life. It therefore wasn’t easy to go, and be, back home. The homesickness I experienced in 2009 and 2013 struck again, if not worse. What is it, I wondered. What is it about this country that moves me so much? It’s hard to explain, but it’s as if I belong there and not here. I feel like a stranger in my own house and town. Reluctantly, I admitted to myself: I’m not the same person I was before.
It was time for self-examination, I was pretty distraught. But no matter how much yoga and meditation I put into practice, the restless feeling remained, and now and then it still rears its ugly head. I then suddenly get overwhelmed by emotions. As if I’m torn apart. Meanwhile, my ratio tells me: girl, you’ve got a great thing going for you. A sweet guy, a wonderful child, and your own business. What more do you need? I know everything passes, and these feelings will too. But recognizing they will, does not magically make them go away.
I made it my mantra: “everything passes”. The theory is that if you keep repeating a mantra in your mind, your consciousness will concentrate on its positive vibrations. Your mind will focus and no longer feed any negative feelings. It’s important to not only think, but to also feel that even the most difficult things pass in every phase of your life.
I read somewhere that feelings are messengers. They pass on messages from your subconscious mind and body. In the past, I excelled in suppressing feelings. I separated head and body and lost myself as a result. I don’t want that to happen again, but I also don’t want to let my feelings get hold of me. A self-help book provided new insight: I don’t ‘have’ these feelings, I experience them.
The challenge is to accept and release my emotions and moods without suppressing them or get lost in them. Easy in theory, difficult in practice. My emotions and feelings strike and then stay for a while. Sometimes longer than other times and, of course, usually when it’s at its most inconvenient.
My mantra “everything passes” reminds me that everything is transient. Both that beautiful trip to the country of our daughter and the nagging feeling of wanting to be there. It’s another valuable life lesson to apply yoga and meditation to in my day-to-day life. I keep learning on my yoga path.
So here’s my thought: maybe I can’t be in Kenya, but Kenya can definitely come to me! Interested? You can read all about it in my blog “Handstand, Hugs+ Happiness AYP tour!”
For those interested
Do you want to learn how to listen to the whispers of your body? Are you interested in yoga and would you like to experience the benefits of yoga yourself? You can! The exercises are easy to learn and (with a bit of practice) can also be done at home. If you don’t live in or nearby Ommen, our Online Back Care Basics program offers a great alternative! Or join our free 6-day challenge “From Back Pain to Back Gain” first, and discover what yoga can do for you!
If you live in the neighborhood or are visiting Ommen, feel free to visit us. Or sign up for a trial class or a private class.