The journey of my life began in the Summer of 2005. A few things had changed in the years prior. I no longer worked at the hospital. We had moved to a new house and I drifted from one temporary job to the other. We were halfway through IVF treatment because we had trouble conceiving. I didn’t want to go through with it. I knew the time had come to face fact: we would stay a family of two.
I was feeling depleted and longed for some peace and quiet. On the internet, I searched for a last minute, all-inclusive vacation. Something we had never done before. An attractive offer appeared and within a few clicks, a luxury vacation in the French Alps was booked.
I still remember the moment well. We were enjoying a leisurely lunch on the terrace. My husband, my rock, asked me what I wanted to do, now that it was going to stay just the two of us. The front cover of Rodney Yee’s DVD on Back Care Yoga still firm in my mind, I replied, “Something yoga-related.” We chinked our big glasses of wine. After returning home, I visited various yoga training courses in the Netherlands. There weren’t even that many at the time.
What I didn’t realize back then, is that grief leaves scars. Scars on your soul and heart. As a nurse, I had been taught about the Kübler-Ross model, and, for the most part, I recognized Ross’ five phases of grief. On a dark, gloomy Friday afternoon I sat by the fireplace. In one go, without actually realizing what I was about to do, I got up and walked to the laundry basket. In the basket were two sets of baby clothes, neatly folded. One for a boy and one for a girl, bought at the thrift store. It was like I was being controlled by an unknown force. I took both sets and walked back to the fireplace. As the flames rose, tears streamed down my cheeks. This is how my husband found me when he got home. He wished he had been there when it happened…
My process of transformation and acceptance had begun. Only years later would I come across an article that described the grieving process with an illustration of a scale mended with the Japanese repair technique Kintsugi. This technique rejoins broken pieces, fragments, with glue mixed with powdered gold. The illustration emphasized that, if you feel broken by an experience, the scars it leaves become a unique part of your history. The scars I got were invisible, hidden deep inside of me, except for the scar on my Achilles tendon.
After visiting and comparing various yoga teacher training courses, I decided upon Hara yoga, taught by Janna Wingelaar. When I visited one of her open house meetings, I immediately felt I had arrived at the right place. A year had passed since the decision we made in France. My new journey started in September 2006. At that time I didn’t know how much investment and work goes into yoga. A month earlier, once again when we were on vacation, we had decided to adopt. My inner knowledge knew that my yoga training would be my guide in this adoption process. I was en route, on my yoga path, to our at that time still unknown daughter.
This is how the journey of my life began…
You can! The exercises are easy to learn and (with a bit of practice) can also be done at home. Do you not live in or nearby Ommen? No problem: our Online Back Care Basics program offers a great alternative! Or join our free 6-day challenge “From Back Pain to Back Gain” first, and discover what yoga can do for you!
Of course, when you live in the neighbourhood or are visiting Ommen always feel welcome. You can also sign up for a trial class or a private class at Yoga Ommen.